Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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