the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
