You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
