The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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