I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
