...so i touched it.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
