in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
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