I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
