I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
