I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
