he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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