We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
