I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
