I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
