okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
