I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
