WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
