How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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