apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Someone came in the potted fern
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
