Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
