I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Drunk is not a location!
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
