Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
