i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
