I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Michael Bay diarrhea
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
