...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
