My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
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