it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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