rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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