can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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