I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
be right there i have to get my cape
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
