one two three fourrrrnication!
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just high enough for therapy.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
