He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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