How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
