Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
