Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
