Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
