Swine flu. Run for my life!
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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