Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
