She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
