I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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