Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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