i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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