It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
