i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
