I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
