Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
