What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
