Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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