So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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