So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
